Acting onstage is like having one pal, a beautiful woman, and just being with her. Meaning that acting in film is unsatisfying.
Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.
"Get out of show business." It's the best advice I ever got, because I'm so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.
I could play a cop, I could play a crook, I could play a lawyer, I could play a dentist, I could play an art critic-I could play the guy next door. I am the guy next door.
I figure if I'm going to die soon, I might as well talk about an interesting subject.
I get something called a macho salad, which is all vegetables, and then I get a tin of salmon on the side. I know it's "sahmon," but I like to say "sammin."
I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy.
It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.
Joseph Maher said to me-he plays one of the professors in the movie-and Joe said "Can you play Einstein a little shorter?"
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldn't afford to pay the eight dollars a month.
My own feeling is that he was a shyster and that he would become anything to get his way. Like, if he met you, he would be preaching papal supremacy.
She was always kicking me out of the house. And she made me feel very guilty. In her lifetime, she saved $1,200, and I forged her name on the bankbook and took out the money and lost it in one week, gambling.
She's my niece, and we're trying to fix her up with an auto mechanic. Because she's going to marry this schmuck of a professor, and we don't want her marrying a putz.
That's why we didn't jump on you and start beating you up when you came in so late.
The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.
The way she puts it, she says, "Only one man is handsomer than you." I forgot his name.
We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?
You can't do it with strangers. It takes about five years to get into the ebb and flow. If it's not working after five years, get rid of them.
You see, my father was a Catholic priest, Greek Orthodox, but I think he started out as a Jew, then he became a Catholic priest.
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