A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
Excuse the mess but we live here.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.
I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life.
I was completely nuts for most of my life.
In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, "Sorry, we're open."
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
Roseanne currently resides in El Segundo, California, to remove herself from the Hollywood scene she calls “World Illusion,” and to raise her youngest son, Buck Thomas.
Roseanne was part of the all-star line-up when Comedy Central honored the life of comedy pioneer, Rodney Dangerfield, with the tribute special, Legends: Rodney Dangerfield on September 10, 2006.
Roseanne is involved in The Trevor Project, a non-profit organization that operates the nation’s only around-the-clock suicide prevention help line for gay teenagers.
Roseanne considers Kabbalah “the last hope of the world.” She studies Kabbalah at the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles, California, and also does a lecture about her studies at the center several times a year. Roseanne has also spoken on the subject of Kabbalah in New York, Tel Aviv, and Jerusalem.
Roseanne claims that during a drunken get together with fellow Roseanne (ABC sitcom) cast members, John Goodman and George Clooney, Goodman photographed Clooney naked with Groucho Marx glasses over his private area, and the picture used to hang on the refrigerator on the set of Roseanne, under a magnet. The photograph was later stolen , and Roseanne, fearing it will come back to haunt the now successful actor/director, watches for it to surface on eBay (an auction website).
Roseanne, at age forty-seven, announced Playboy magazine was paying her a seven-figure amount to appear nude in the publication. When the magazine ran a poll on their website asking whether readers wanted to see her naked, the vote went 60/40 against Roseanne. Playboy declined the idea. She then approached Gear magazine editor, Bob Guccione. Shots of a semi-nude Roseanne lying on a limousine were featured in the October 2000 issue of Gear magazine.
Roseanne listened to Prince’s song, “1999,” non-stop while traveling to Burbank, California from Los Angeles to make her television stand-up comedy debut on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson in 1984.
Roseanne got booed off the stage by 300 college students while performing at a pizza bar in Louisville, Kentucky in the late 1980's. She had to leave the stage by walking in front of the crowd that jeered her. She stood by the door, and as the patrons filed out at the end of the show, she thanked each person, individually, for coming to see her.
Roseanne was called Roseann-A by Mitzi Shore, the co-founder of the Los Angeles comedy club, The Comedy Store.
Roseanne has a “criminal mentality” by her own admission.
Roseanne made accusations against and had fired people who were well know in television long before the establishment ever heard of her.
Roseanne’s first child, an illegitimate daughter she gave up for adoption at birth, was born in the Booth Memorial Home for Unwed Mothers in Denver Colorado. Roseanne does not discuss the father of the child, except to say she did not want to marry him.
Roseanne became engaged to comedian, Tom Arnold, while still married to first husband, Bill Pentland.
Roseanne’s 1998 two-season daytime talk show, The Roseanne Show, was one of the most successful launches of television programming, not only domestically, but in thirty foreign countries.
Roseanne regularly performed her comedy routines at the Mercury Caf?, a bikers’ establishment, and at a jazz club called Muddy’s Java Caf?, both in Denver, Colorado, during her early years (1980's) in stand-up comedy.
Roseanne interviewed with directors, Ron Howard and Norman Lear, but chose the highly successful team of Carsey/Werner to launch her television network career (the ABC sitcom, 'Roseanne').
Roseanne, as a struggling, young housewife and mother in the 1970's, credits the day she read a prepared statement over the air to her favorite radio personality, Alan Berg, the Denver-based, Jewish, liberal talk show host of KGMC radio (now called KWBZ), with being the first day on her way back to being herself. She was so nervous, she wet herself. Berg was the first Jewish person Roseanne ever heard that dared to “fight back,” besides her beloved grandmother, Bobbe Mary. Roseanne had promised herself that she would one day write him a letter of appreciation for what he did for her, but he was assasinated (1984) before she got the chance.
Roseanne executively produced Saturday Night Special (FOX), a cutting edge, late-night variety show in 1996.
Roseanne claims that her tongue-lashings directed at the writers of her television comedy series, Roseanne, was “an act”–- part of the negotiating skills she had to learn to get the best work from them.
Roseanne and then husband, Bill Pentland, spent the summer of 1987 in a centuries old, pink house one block off of Bourbon Street on Ursuline in New Orleans, Louisiana, while their children were away at camp. Being a night owl, Roseanne enjoyed the nightlife the French Quarter had to offer.
Roseanne was Grand Marshall in the 1992 Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade.
Roseanne was unexpectedly invited by Academy Award-winning film director/writer and liberal political activist, Michael Moore, to join his controversial tour of university campuses across the United States during the 2004 presidential campaign.
Roseanne limits her stand-up engagements as she doesn’t like to be away from her youngest son, Buck Tomas.
Roseanne’s recent return to stand-up comedy, touring selected cities with all new material and a back-up musician, has been met with standing ovations.
Roseanne participated in the State of the World Forum at San Francisco’s Masonic Temple where she acted as moderator for a panel with “Rising Sun Ashes” as its focus. The participants consisted of young people from around the world who are victims of war and political oppression.
Roseanne was raised in an almost exclusively Mormon environment of her native Salt Lake City, Utah. She was the only Jewish child in her neighborhood, until her sisters (Geraldine and Stephanie) and brother (Ben) were born.
Roseanne decided to name her youngest son simply Buck because she thought he was too macho to have a middle name.
Roseanne made her directorial debut in 1991 with the HBO comedy special, Roseanne Barr: Live from Trump Castle, which she also executive produced, wrote and starred in.
Roseanne was honored by Ms. Magazine on their Lifetime 25th anniversary TV special.
Roseanne‘s stand-up comedy routine won the Denver Laugh-Off contest in 1983, beating out sixteen male competitors.
Roseanne and Tom Arnold received no wedding presents when they were married in 1990, even though they did not specify to their guests that they weren’t receiving gifts.
Roseanne was chosen as one of Ladies’ Home Journal’s Most Fascinating People in a special that aired on CBS.
Roseanne’s attempts to launch second husband, Tom Arnold, in ABC’s sitcoms, The Jackie Thomas Show (1992-1993) and Tom (1994) were unsuccessful.
Roseanne wrote, directed, produced and starred in plays in her neighborhood as a child and in her junior high school.
Roseanne provided the character voices for two animated productions: Rosey in the short-lived cartoon television series, The Rosey and Buddy Show (1992), opposite then husband, Tom Arnold, as the voice of Buddy, and, more recently, as the bovine character, Maggie, in the 2004 animated movie, Home on the Range. She also had a co-starring role doing the vocals for baby Julie in the feature film, Look Who’s Talking Too starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley.
Roseanne used Roseanne Barr as her stage name when her professional comedy career was launched in 1985, even though her legal name, at the time, was Roseanne Pentland, with the then marriage to first husband, Bill Pentland. She changed her professional name to Roseanne Arnold in 1990 with her marriage to Tom Arnold after they agreed that she would take his name if he would convert to Judaism. After her separation from Arnold in 1994, Roseanne announced her name would be simply Roseanne. With her third marriage to former body guard, Ben Thomas (1995), she slowly tried to be known as Roseanne Thomas (1997). She was billed as such in the last few episodes of her sitcom, Roseanne, as Executive Producer, but was still credited as Roseanne under the cast credits. When she appeared as a guest star on the comedy series, The Nanny, in 1997, she was listed as Roseanne Thomas. After her divorce from Thomas in 2002, she took one name again and was known as Roseanne. In 2003, she resumed using the name Barr, the surname on her birth certificate, after reconciling with her parents, who she publically accused (1991) of sexually abusing her as a child-- that, and because people were continuously confusing her with comedian, Rosie O'Donnell.
Roseanne was only the second woman to be roasted at the infamous Friars Club, traditionally a men’s organization.
Roseanne was devastated when, after announcing to her parents that she’d been asked to appear on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1985), instead of being happy for her, they were more concerned over the whereabouts of the groceries they asked her to buy.
Roseanne’s wedding dress, worn during her second marriage ceremony, had a hole in it. The bridal store where she bought it forgot to remove the plastic anti-theft lock and it had to be cut out before the service.
Roseanne left a profanity-riddled note and a photograph of a man’s hairy buttocks on the windshield of Seinfeld cast member, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, after she parked in Roseanne’s space on a studio lot.
Roseanne followed her debut comedic performance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson with numerous appearances in Las Vegas. Her name was on the marquees of many major hotels and casinos, among them the Dunes (in Mitzi Shore’s Comedy Store), the Desert Inn (where she co-headlined with fellow stand-up comedian, Louie Anderson) and Caesars Palace, headlining the famed Circus Maximus showroom.
Roseanne was spotted by a talent scout during rehearsals for George Schlatter’s TV special, Funny, which led to her first appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1985.
Roseanne, feeling like her previous comedic performance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson was under rehearsed, wrote her jokes on her hand for her fourth appearance.
Roseanne, and then husband, Tom Arnold, entertained the wives of the troops of Desert Storm during the war in Iraq doing stand-up comedy on several California bases. At one point in a performance, Roseanne invited a woman to come up to the microphone and allowed her to express her anti-war sentiments.
Roseanne was disturbed to find a dead rat floating in her swimming pool the day of her wedding to Tom Arnold, thinking it was some kind of sign.
Roseanne loves champagne and caviar.
Roseanne and Tom Arnold joined the Mile High Club while on their honeymoon.
Roseanne was the target of an ad called “Ban Barr From the Airwaves” placed in Rolling Stone magazine after her anthem-battering episode in Jack Murphy Stadium before a San Diego Padres baseball game in1990. The magazine reportedly signed six hundred members in one day.
Roseanne would listen to Patti Smith’s “People Have the Power” several times a day to pump herself up in order to face the unrest on the set of her televison sitcom, Roseanne.
Roseanne employed more writers for her television show, Roseanne, than any other sitcom of the time. She mixed stand-up comics in with the TV writers, to give the comics on-the-job-training in commercial storytelling.
Roseanne began to headline comedy clubs about 8 months after she started.
Roseanne shoplifted a jar of baby food at age sixteen and got caught. She loved baby food and, later, when she had children of her own, she ate it constantly.
Roseanne and her first husband, Bill Pentland, lived in an eight-foot-wide by thirty-foot-long trailer before they were married.
Roseanne enjoyed snacking on Swenson’s Sticky Chewy Chocolate ice cream on the set between tapings of the television sitcom, Roseanne.
Roseanne, after having been institutionalized for a year at age seventeen, experienced a recurring nightmare that she couldn’t wake up. She was horrified that people would think she was dead and would bury her alive.
Roseanne once worked at the radical bookstore, Woman to Woman (early 1980's), later know as The Rocky Mountain Womencenter, on Colfax Street in Denver, Colorado, where she kept men out using a baseball bat. There, she enjoyed reading women’s history and lecturing on feminist ethics.
Roseanne’s childhood babysitter, Robbie, nicknamed her Lil Bit.
Roseanne has been pictured on the cover of TV Guide magazine a total of thirteen times.
Roseanne had gastric bypass surgery in 1998, performed by Dr.Mal Fobi using his Fobi Pouch technique, that which replaces a person’s stomach with an artificial pouch whereby food can bypass the main stomach and bowel.
Roseanne's current favorite comediennes are insult comic, Lisa Lampanelli (the 'Loveable Queen of Mean') and Sarah 'Big S' Silverman, whose comedy acts are sometimes performed from a caricatured, stereotypical Jewish-American princess perspective.
Roseanne is active in raising the minimum wage in the United States.
Roseanne has three grandchildren and a fourth on the way.
Roseanne's hobby as a teenager was sewing.
Roseanne was the major draw in 1997 when she played the Wicked Witch of the West in a stage production of The Wizard of Oz at the Theatre at Madison Square Gardens in Manhattan.
Roseanne is 5'4" tall.
Roseanne home-schools her youngest son, Buck Thomas.
Roseanne underwent breast reduction surgery in 1991, going from a size 40DD to a 38C.
Roseanne dropped out of Salt Lake High School East, in Utah, when she was seventeen.
Roseanne made claim in 1994 that she suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, stating she’d been diagnosed with twenty-one separate personalities.
Roseanne won the Cable Ace Award for Funniest Female in a Comedy in 1987. She has also been named Best Actress in a Comedy Series at the American Televison Awards, received two Golden Globe Awards for the television sitcom; Roseanne, six People’s Choice Awards; two American Comedy Awards, and, in 1990, was presented with the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award in recognition of her contributions to television. In addition, Roseanne’s comedy television series, Roseanne, was honored with a Peabody, one of the most prestigious awards in broadcasting. Roseanne has also taken home two Humanitas Awards (a citation bestowed on Hollywood writers who seek to promote the full realization of humanity— the best instincts and values of the human spirit). She has also been awarded with the Eleanor Roosevelt Award presented by the American Democratic Association to outstanding American women, the GLAAD Media Award, and has been honored with the Jack Benny Award. Rosaenne received the Lucy Award, named after comedian, Lucille Ball and presented annually by Women in Film, and was among the recipients of the 1997 American Comedy Honors.
Roseanne appeared as herself playing comedian Rodney Dangerfield’s wife in the 1986 HBO comedy special, It’s Not Easy Bein’ Me.
Roseanne was one of the most controversial and outspoken television stars of the 1980's and 1990's.
Roseanne released Rocking with Roseanne: Calling All Kids!, a 40-minute short (DVD) starring herself, combining animation and live action to create a children’s sing-a-long (February 7, 2006). In May of the same year, she received the 2006 Danville International Children’s Film Festival Humanitarian Award for her efforts.
Roseanne made her national television debut as a standup comedian on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson in 1985. It was during this routine that she presented her now infamous comic persona, the Domestic Goddess, based on the vagaries and petty injustices associated with being a housewife.
Roseanne hosted CMT: 40 Sexiest Videos, a Country Music Television special, in 2004.
Roseanne’s yearly salary while working on the ABC comedy series, Roseanne, was as follows: Seasons 1 and 2– $2,500,000; Seasons 3 and 4– $5,000,000; Seasons 5 and 6– $7,500,000; Seasons 7 and 8– $10,000,000; and Season 9– $13,000,000.
Roseanne was awarded an Emmy for Best Actress in a Comedy Series for her portrayal of a blue collar housewife and mother in the groundbreaking ABC sitcom, Roseanne, in 1993. She was also nominated in the same category in 1992, 1994, and 1995.
Roseanne sustained a serious head injury on September 17, 1968 when she was hit by a car crossing the street. She was thrown in the air and came down on the hood where the ornament went into her head. The severity of the head trauma caused headaches, memory loss, problems with concentration, and mental anguish, which led to her confinement in the Utah state hospital where she remained as an patient for a little less than a year.
Roseanne married Bill Pentland on February 4, 1974; sixteen years later, they were divorced. Four days after the decree was handed down, she married comedian/actor, Tom Arnold (January 16, 1990). Her second marriage lasted only four years. On February 14, 1995, she tied the knot a third time, marrying her former bodyguard, Ben Thomas. In 2002, that marriage also ended in divorce.
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