A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, "Are you comfortable?" The man answers, "I make a nice living."
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!".
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton died on the same day as Dudley Moore.
In 1991, Milton was the first inductee into the International Comedy Hall of Fame.
Milton once hosted the MTV Video Music Awards.
In 1950, Milton won an Emmy for Most Outstanding Kinescope Personality.
In 1995, Milton was nominated for an Emmy for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series for: Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990).
In 1996, Milton received the Lifetime Achievement Award in Comedy at the American Comedy Awards, USA.
In 1962, NBC tried to develop a TV series around incidents in Milton's life, but the series never got beyond the planning stage.
Milton Berle: An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.
Milton adopted a daughter, Victoria, in 1946.
Milton legally changed his name to Berle from Berlinger in 1920.
Milton's parents were Moses & Sarah Berlinger.
Milton's trademark theme song was "Near You."
Milton's Chinese Horoscope sign was the Monkey (element: Earth).
Milton often worked with the likes of Lucille Ball, Jack Benny, Sid Caesar, Carol Channing, and Mickey Rooney.
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