Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.
Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.
Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?
I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
I feel your scorn and I accept it.
I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
I'm 38 and could very much bare my midriff, but it may make some people nauseous.
I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.
Originally we were going to title it "The Daily Show With Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays Off," but it was too long.
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.
The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.
There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is.
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.
When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, "I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty."
Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
You know, I've always wanted to be a young Charles Kuralt. I started in this business with just a Winnebago and a dream.
Jon Stewart is Jewish.
Jon's father was a physicist and mother was a teacher.
Jon's father was Donald Leibowitz.
In 2005, Jon won 2 emmy awards for his work on The Daily Show.
Jon and his wife are expecting a daughter, their second child in February of 2006.
Jon majored in psychology in college.
Jon's contract with the Daily Show lasted until 2008.
Jon Stewart's wife Tracey is a veterinary tech.
Jon and his wife legally changed their last names to Stewart after they got married.
Jon played soccer during college.
Jon is married to Tracey McShane.
Was voted the 2nd funniest person in America by Entertainment Weekly.
Decided to quit smoking on Dec. 28, 2000, after being encouraged by the CGL Foundation.
His nickname is Lefty.
He made his breakthrough on "The Larry Sanders Show" (1992), before moving on to other roles.
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