A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Never floss with a stranger.
Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true.
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
In 1990 Joan won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Talk/Service Show Host for her work on 'The Joan Rivers Show'.
Joan is known for her throaty voice, her put-downs of herself, and her famous question 'Can we talk?'
Joan received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1989.
Joan took a position as a buyer at a department store after graduating, uninspired by acting at that time. It was there, that she met and married the boss' son, a union that lasted a mere 6 months.
Joan won a Clio award for 'Best Performance in a TV Commercial' in 1976 and 1982.
Joan hosted her own radio show on WOR in New York, from 1997 to 2003.
Joan was the opening act for singer Helen Reddy in the 1970's on the Las Vegas strip.
Joan is a member and avid supporter of the animal rights group PETA.
Joan graduated from Barnard College in 1954, with a BA in English and Anthropology.
Joan is looking for love on the Internet. She created a profile on a dating website to find her perfect man.
Joan collects Faberge eggs.
Joan was married to James Sanger from 1957 to 1958 and to British producer Edgar Rosenberg from 1964 until his suicide in 1987.
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