All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
I know God is real.
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
I really don't require a whole lot in life.
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.
I think you have the wrong number.
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.
I wasn't paying attention, what was wrong with me?
I would give myself for the good of the team and go on right after Home Improvement. We're waiting on that.
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
Most of the things I talk about work as well in Michigan or Idaho as they do in Alabama.
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
No wonder we turned out like this.
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.
People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
People like Kenny or Reba have been doing it so long that doing a show like this isn't even a challenge to them.
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.
The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
The first time I went in there to do the voice, I kind of had an idea in my head what he would be like. I read it that way and then they went away and filmed it.
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
The thing about this that attracted me to the script was it had heart to it.
There's no down time any more.
This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.
To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
We finished taping for the first year. All 12 of the people watching did seem to enjoy the show.
What a great place to be, where you can say, I'm flattered that you offered, but this other thing is more important.
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
With a comic it's always, What do we have in common?
You don't have anything; you don't own anything.
You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
In 2007, Jeff began hosting and producing a new game show for FOX called Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?
His Western astrological sign is Virgo and his Chinese astrological sign is the Dog.
TNN declared him to be Comedian of the Year three years in a row.
Even though the big networks cancelled his show twice, Jeff received a People’s Choice Award as Favorite Male Newcomer for The Jeff Foxworthy Show.
He was nominated for a Cable Ace Award for his second Showtime special.
Jeff lives with his wife and children in Atlanta where he grew up.
Jeff did the voice of Reggie the Rooster in the movie Racing Stripes.
In 1990, Jeff won the American Comedy Award for Funniest Male Stand-Up Comic.
Actor Eric Bruno Borgman is Jeff’s cousin.
Jeff attended Hapeville High School.
He worked as maintaining mainframe computers at IBM.
Jeff hosts a weekly radio show called The Foxworthy Countdown on country music stations across the U.S.A.
Jeff has two children, Jordan (born in 1992) and Juliane (born in 1994).
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