Christmas Stan (Parody) lyrics
by Eminem

(A lump of coal
I'm Wondering why,
I got out of bed at all.
I
can't believe it's Christmas morning,
And
there's no gift at all.
I thought that this was
supposed to be,
A day to deck the halls.
But he forgot
again,
And I'm so mad, I'm so
mad.)

Chorus
A lump of coal I'm Wondering
why,
I got out of bed at all.
I can't believe
it's Christmas morning,
and there's no gift at
all.
I thought that this was supposed to be,
A day to
deck the halls.
But he forgot again,
and I'm so
mad, I'm so mad.

Dear Santa,
I wrote but you
ain't' brought me nuthin',
I sent you a whole
gift list,
But I still hadn't got none.
I sent to
letters back in autumn,
You must not have got
em'.
There probably was a problem with the elf's
up there or sumthin'.
Maybe them midgets didn't
know that Christmas was coming.
But anyway, fuck
it,
What's been up man how's your reindeer?
I
put cookies on the roof for them to eat when they get
here.
You missed my house this time,
That's OK,
maybe next year.
Wake my ass up then and we'll have a
light beer.
On my list was some things that I want you to
bring me.
When you get a chance, please drop em' all
down my chimney.
What I asked you for was playstation from
Sony,
And Play-dough, and Lego's, and skates and a
pony.
That's all I want, and this year I been
good.
So please, fill up that sack and swing by my
hood,
If you could, Truly yours, you're biggest
fan,
This is Stan.

Chorus

Dear
Santa,
I can't believe that you forgot me
again.
Ain't shit sittin' underneath the tree in
my den.
You didn't bring Play-dough or Lego's or
Sony.
How am I supposed to get to school with no skates or a
pony?
I saw you at the mall, singin' about with your
choir,
When my friend called you fake, yo I called him a
liar.
Now I'd like to grab your neck and set your beard
on fire.
You know that song about the grandma who got run
over, by the reindeer,
Who came down and landed right on
her.
She got crushed on Christmas eve, now me and grandpa we
believe.
That's kind' like this is, you
coulda' made me believe too.
Now its too late, I'm
about to convert to a Jew.
And all I wanted was a lousy gift
under the tree.
But now I'm fucked up, cuz' you
forgot me.
I love you Santa, we coulda' been together,
think about it.
You ruined it now, I hope you can't
sleep and you dream about it.
And when you dream, (Stanley)
Mom I'll be down in a minute.
I hope you dream about
elf's kicking you in the nuts,
And Frosty the snowman
icing you up the but.
(Stanley!) Ok ma'. Santa
I'll explain this real simple.
I'm going to see
the rabbi, he's waitin' down at the temple.
Even
circumcision can't be much worse that what I been
through.
So next year at this time, send a filter
fish.
Happy Hanukah Saint Dick,
Cuz' Stan's
turning Jewish.

Chorus

Ho ho ho, Dear
Stan,
I meant to write you sooner, but this year I been
busy.
Santa Claus feel real bad he didn't come down
your chimney.
Dangit all too, cuz you ain't been
naughty, you been nice.
Guess Santa Claus checked his list
once, but forgot to do twice.
Oh well, that's the way
things go at the North Pole.
Sometimes hard to remember,
Santa Claus gettin' old.
But what's this here
about you becomin a Jew?
And cuttin' on your ding-dong,
is that what they do?
Hold up right there, cuz that's
sum crazy ass shit.
Santa Claus don't let nobody chop
on his dick.
And what the hell you talkin' about us
being together?
That type of thing there, that's for
men who wear leather.
That's gay talk right there,
that's H-O-M-O.
You sendin' this here letter from
San Francisco?
(That's good. San Fran-sisco. That could
keep me going right there.)
But anyways, oh what the hell,
ohh yeah.
Don't be so gay, and about turnin'
Jewish,
Call my lawyer say "Orvet".
Hang on in one more
year, you got a gift comin'.
Santa Claus gonna'
bring you a nice, blonde white woman.
And if Stan ain't
to good, she'll look like Kate Hudson.
And that Kate
Hudson, put her right up on lap,
And make all kind'
sex, on his trouser shorts.(Mmm,Hmm)
Alright then I gotta go
whippin' back on elf.
Marry Christmas Stan,
And
don't play with yourself. Ho ho ho.