Anorexia was there for me before I got into modeling, but because of the arena and the demands, the disease really got out of control for me. It's like being an alcoholic and going and being a bartender.
I am not naturally that thin, so I had to go through everything from using drugs to diet pills to laxatives to fasting. Those were my main ways of controlling my weight.
I had been on this insane diet for almost 17 years to maintain the weight that was demanded of me when I was modeling.
I had dropped out of school and was a runaway, so I didn't have family to fall back on if I didn't work. I didn't have a lot of other options of making money other than modeling.
I had my first seizure, and I had to go in for heart surgery.
It not unusual for women with anorexia to suffer heart attacks.
Many women who have anorexia put their hearts in a compromised situation.
My doctor felt that the main contributing factor was so many years of malnutrition, especially during my formative years, even before I got into modeling.
Part of treatment for drugs and alcohol is you abstain from these, but with eating disorders you can't abstain from food so the treatment is longer than drugs and alcohol.
The pressure was if I didn't get into that dress size someone else would - someone else would get the job.
The starvation weakened my heart.
We come in many different shapes and sizes, and we need to support each other and our differences. Our beauty is in our differences.
What has worked for me is therapy in conjunction with nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders that I see every two weeks.
You have to find a balance with food in your life - you can't take out food. It can be absolutely terrifying.
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