A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.
As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."
Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.
Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
Old is always fifteen years from now.
Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.
The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
When you become senile, you won't know it.
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
Bill Cosby loves to smoke cigars.
In 1998, Bill Cosby was honored with the Kennedy Center Honors. In 2002, he won the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Bill Cosby was the captain of the baseball and track teams at Mary Channing Wister Elementary School in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Bill Cosby is a vegetarian.
Bill Cosby dropped out of high school after the tenth grade so he could join the Navy. He later completed his high school studies through a correspondence course.
In 2006, Andrea Constand settled her lawsuit against Bill Cosby out of court. She accused him of sexual harrasment.
Bill played Elliot Hopper in the 1990 film Ghost Dad.
Much like Bob Newhart's comedic style, Bill Cosby has the ability to be funny without resorting to profanity.
In the June 20, 2004 issue of TV Guide, Cliff Huxtable, Cosby's character on The Cosby Show, was ranked #1 in its list of the "50 Greatest TV Dads of All Time."
At one time he expressed a very public interest in purchasing the National Broadcasting Company.
Bill joined the long list of celebrities lampooned by South Park. It happened in South Park episode 77 entitled "Here Comes the Neighborhood".
Bill's wife Camille is related to Tom Hanks.
Bill was once part owner of the "Golden State Warriors” that was a part of the National Basketball Association.
Bill is the oldest of four children.
Bill was a member of the Omega Psi Phi Fraternity when he was in college.
Bill was insistent on The Cosby Show being filmed in New York, because he doesn’t like Hollywood.
Bill earned a Doctorate in education from the University of Massachusetts.
Bill's son Ennis Cosby lost his life at age 27 when he was shot to death fixing a flat tire in San Diego. The National Enquirer offered $100,000 reward for the capture of the killer of Bill's son, Ennis. In January of 1997, Ennis was buried on the Cosby family estate in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts.
Bill was the executive producer of the TV series Fatherhood in 2004.
Bill played Chet Kincaid in the original Cosby series titled The Bill Cosby Show.
Bill was the voice of Fat Albert in the animated series Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.
Bill played the father “Dr. Cliff Huxtable” in the TV series The Cosby Show from 1984 until 1992.
Bill was on a TV series called Cosby in 1996 where he played the character of Hilton Lucas.
Bill has won 9 Grammy Awards, in the categories of Children and in categories of Comedy.
You can share a link to this page with your friend!