Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.
After the Lincoln Hotel people showed their colors by demanding payment, we turned our back on them. We moved out.
Even if Scrabble had been invented then, I wouldn't have wanted to play Scrabble, because the highest triple word score in the world would not have expressed how much I liked the game Natalie and I played every afternoon.
Four times I looked for psychiatric help, and each time I arrived at the inescapable conclusion that the psychiatrist was crazier than I was.
Grandma cheated whenever she could. She cheated because it was a much more scientific and surer way of winning than trusting to luck.
I didn't decide I was crazy until 1952. That's when I began making a steady salary and could afford to be crazy.
I had moved out of the Edison Hotel because I couldn't pay the bill and was living at the Lincoln Hotel, where I couldn't pay the bill either, but it was cheaper.
I have always lived beyond my means. I am still trying to live beyond my means, but it is getting harder all the time. I am very rich.
I was having trouble making ends meet, and my beginnings weren't meeting either.
In Hollywood if you are not working, you are a leper. True, you are probably living in the most expensive leper colony in the world.
It's a play where something went wrong, 'Cause it's five hours, twelve minutes long. If you sit there, my friend, From beginning 'til end, Then your bladder better be strong!
My new Sex Image was an immediate hit. Richard Burton hasn't spoken to me since. Or before either, for that matter.
Nothing fazes Nancy. She's always laughing and singing and happy. She's popular and well adjusted and gets straight A's in school. Where did we go wrong? Why isn't she crazy like the rest of the family?
One night Uncle Maury suggested to the Putterer that perhaps he had planted the bulbs upside down and would have to go to China to see his tulips.
Our act started at the bottom and went downhill.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, Way up tall, There's a land where they've never heard of cholesterol.
Success is like winning the sweepstakes or getting killed in an automobile crash. It always happens to somebody else.
The difference between reality and unreality is that reality has so little to recommend it.
The only choreography I have in my act is where I walk about ten feet, from stage right to stage left. Then I say, "You may be wondering why I went from over there to over here. Well, that was choreography."
They sit there in committees day after day, And they each put in a color and it comes out gray. And we all have heard the saying, which is true as well as witty, That a camel is a horse that was designed by a committee.
Well, you might as well imitate your own program because if you don't, someone else will.
When the great history of horticulture is written I will be listed among the absent.
When the great history of trouble is written, my family will stand extremely high in the table of contents.
You want to fall in love with a shoe, go ahead. A shoe can't love you back, but, on the other hand, a shoe can't hurt you too deeply either. And there are so many nice-looking shoes.
Allan Sherman's autobiography, A Gift of Laughter, was published in hardcover by Atheniuam circa 1964/1965 and as a Fawcett paperback in 1965. The book included anecdotes involving his neighbor, Harpo Marx.
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